Kiara was restless and not in the anticipating something fun or event planning kind of way, but in a way that made her skin crawl with frustration and full blown resentment.
Resentment to where she was at, resentment to what she was doing, and resentment to who placed her there in the first place and with nothing but time and reflection on her hands, she let it fester and fester until it completely consumed her.
It was a hot and still night on figure eight, with nothing but the cicadas calling and the shabby fan doing absolutely nothing to cool down the four walls of her room, where Kiara laid against her will.
Fighting internally with herself and externally with her parents just down the hall who were sure to be asleep by now and losing the battle entirely after explaining her side of the story to brick walls already put up against her from the jump.
The transition back to Kildare was significantly more difficult then she had ever anticipated, touching down only to, within a matter of seconds, be transported back to the house she used to regard as some version of a home that no longer existed in her eyes. But nothing was as difficult as what followed with the sudden transition, having to face the two patriarchs head on with their strong desire to only gain control out of a situation that was uncontrollable from the start, and it drove her insane.
Though stubborn in her own right and never one to back down from a fight, especially for her own autonomy and against her parents, Kiara felt as though it was a lost cause the moment she stepped foot back into the house and she wasn’t wrong.
With barely any fight left in her from the exhaustion that was El Dorado and contending to a screaming match between her father and herself, Kiara let the emotional and physical pain succumb her to complete silence after her mother decided to step in. Taking charge of the situation and diffusing it with one slam of a door from Kiara’s bedroom and a hefty and escalated talk with Mike.
Which only led to Kiara trapping herself there ever since, having no desire let alone placed effort to leave the confines of her bedroom unless instructed to do so for day in and day out shifts at the Wreck and for simple things like eating and showering to keep herself alive. Keeping up the ruse for weeks on end and seeing no end in sight, even now as she stared up at the ceiling yet again, restless in resentment.
Some rightfully placed and some not, even feeling resentment towards herself in an odd way for letting it get this far and for believing in the sick idea that she placed herself here with her actions. That if she truly did what her parents wanted her to do, she wouldn’t be in half of this mess she was in. But also recognizing that she could argue that she wouldn’t be half as happy in what they deemed as happiness given where her true happiness was grounded and who provided it and how drastically different it all was.
It f*cked with her head beyond comparison and the worst part of it all was being stuck with the all consuming thoughts by herself. Having no one to turn to and vent with zero access to her phone, zero connection to the pogues, and zero connection to the one klepto blonde that made all the tension she ever harbored dissipate into the thin air with a simple crooked smile.
The same damn smile that gave her the confidence to confess the unwavering truth she’s held close to her chest for years upon years, afraid of its weight and the rejection it may hold against her, again in front of the audience in cabin six.
The same damn smile that also reassured her in the same breath, that the rejection was out of the same fear she held and that they were eye to eye. Then, now, and for as long as they let each other do so.
And as much as she would’ve liked to think that was enough to get her through whatever this situation was right now, tossing and turning in her bed like crazy, it simply didn’t and now more than ever she craved a miracle. That somehow over ten years of friendship and newfound whispers of sweet nothings, she would be able to find repreival in his presence, guided by anticipating the other’s next move and by some blind faith that things could work out in the simplest of ways.
Even if it wasn’t for good, cause she would take anything past the small clicks of the fan above her at this point, and as if the universe had her back for the first time in her entire life, she finally did. Hearing the faintest knocks against her window but still louder than the natural clicks in her room, Kiara instantly shot up out of her bed and made her way across the room to see if her brain was deceiving her.
And much to her shock that melted into a pleasingly wide smile, making eye contact with the blonde’s equally matched smile, it wasn’t.
“JJ…” was all she could whisper, working the hard seal on the window open with shaky hands as he eventually pulled himself into her room with a slight chuckle and an instant attack from her.
Stumbling backwards with a sigh as she jumped into his arms without hesitation like a koala, he caught hold of her waist at the last minute and pulled her impossibly closer.
Running her hands through his hair as if to test that this moment was real before he placed her back down on the floor with a simple “Sup” in response, she pulls back when he does to properly face him. Instantly winding her arms around his neck in disbelief but with adrenaline coursing through her veins all at the same time as she pulls him in for a deep and hard kiss.
One he could only mirror with his arms around her waist as he draws her further in, completely and utterly afraid of the thought of her disappearing on him again. With no second thought and with no answers given.
But that all somehow dissolves into itself as the kiss continues, only pulling away for air once or twice before jumping right back in until they unspokenly agreed to pull away completely and rest their foreheads against each other’s in a slight pant. Taking it all in and each other, Kie decided to break the comfortable silence they created with yet another whisper.
“H-how did you?” she shakily starts, unable to keep her hands in one place as they move from his neck, across his cheeks, then down to his arms and back up “W-when did you?—”
“—S’ a long story Kie that I’ll tell you about in a sec. But I’m just glad that you’re safe and you’re ok and hold up hold up hold up..” he cuts her off, instantly grabbing a hold of her waist and placing his hand over her mouth to muffle her sudden gasp as he hears the floorboards just outside of her room creak ever so slightly.
Becoming so keen to the softest of movements having tiptoed around Luke all his life to avoid any unnecessary beatings when he got home from a boneyard party too late or when his father’s abusive and drunken spells kicked in and he had no other choice but to move as slow as possible.
It pained her to know he would be carrying that unwarranted skill for the rest of his life, subjected to one too many horrific torments by the entitled asshole she had the pleasure of clocking once and would do again in a heartbeat.
It also somehow appeased her at the same time as one of the two patriarchs successfully made it back to their room without so much as a door handle turning and lights shining bright on the two of them in her room, all thanks to him and she couldn’t be more grateful.
Hell couldn’t be more grateful for his presence overall as he removes his hand from her mouth with an apology and a soft smile that makes her stomach flip in ways unimaginable. With a sudden surge of nervousness mixed with excitement, she took his hand in hers and dragged him to her bed with a soft thump and a plea for him to explain himself because she still couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that he was here.
Sitting across from her with a smug expression on his face and messy hair that tripped her up way more often than she would like to admit and a sense of security like she was coming home to what she always knew to truly be her home. Completing her in ways she never knew she needed until now as his fingers intertwined with hers and she gave him the floor to confess.
“First off I just want to say I’m sorry…I know it’s been weeks since we’ve got back and I’ve yet to visit you and I should’ve came sooner rather than later and I only did it this way to protect you..” he starts rambling, clocking her scrunched eyebrows almost instantly as she shakes her head.
“Protect me?..Why?..”
Swallowing hard in preparation for what he was about to admit, he squeezed her hand even tighter through a sigh “Well ever since we’ve got back your parents have been on edge as you know, you deal with that crap on the daily. But they’ve been on it times a billion and to check on you without actually getting caught checking on you, I sent John B into the Wreck a couple of weeks ago to find you. Jackass said he couldn’t find you, I believed him and told him to walk out but before he did, um your dad caught him and told him that if any of us tried to come around…you were gonna be gone for good..”.
The revelation only earns a scoff and a “Of course they would” on Kie’s end, feeling as though all of it was predictable at this point but nevertheless a cut that ran deep. Seeping into her veins and making its mark on her skin what she always knew to be true but was afraid to accept.
That her parents would go as far as they needed to, to assure their happiness and peace above her own. No matter what role she had in their life and what value she brought to them, if she went low they would go even lower and with a simple nod and a wipe of a few leaking tears, threatening to strike her cheeks, she let him continue.
“It felt like an empty threat at the time, something to scare JB away so that they didn’t have to look at him. But then I realized that we haven’t been able to actually get a hold of you and it had been weeks and then I started panicking thinking they already did something to you and so I was ready to come over here until I saw them outside taking extra precautions with more security and thought U couldn’t risk it. Lucky enough Pope said it wasn’t too hard to break apart once we got their routine down and so we all spent the last few weeks learning that, breaking the security, and here I am” he continues to ramble but none of it was worth being receptive as she pulls her hand away to fiddle with her thumbs through soft sniffles.
And it completely shattered him. Immediately scooting closer to her, wiping the few tears that made their way down her cheeks as she shakes her head with an exhausted huff, he softly whispers a “hey, look it’s gonna be ok Kie. I promise alright?”.
But it’s not enough to suffice her as more tears threaten to escape her now puffed eyes as she forces herself to face him with a broken mumble “What if it’s not?..J I’m scared..what if it never ends?..”.
It’s those words alone that break through the walls he carefully crafted out of years of fear, hatred, guilt, and utter pain. The same words he used to hold over his head in his own baggage that worked to sink him before he had the ability to swim. The same words he wouldn’t dare let anyone harbor, especially someone as thoughtful and deserving of good as Kie, knowing the weight it bears and the pain that’s accompanied by it.
And he wasn’t about to start now. Not when she deserved more than all of this and certainly not without working twice as hard to make sure she got more for he could spend his entire life working to make sure she didn’t experience half the pain he had to endure and this was no different.
Moving to one side of the bed with a sigh, he stretches his arm out as an open invitation for her to lean in and she takes it all in the same breath, scooting in close and leaning her head on his chest.
Kissing the top of her head out of pure instinct and adoration for the perfect woman in every way imaginable just below him, he mumbles “It will end..because we’ll make sure it does. Hell I’ll make sure it does even if Mike kicks my damn ass and I’m lying stone cold against the ground”.
“JJ...” she sighs out in her disappointed JJ voice as he chuckles slightly as his thumb unconsciously rubs her shoulder.
“I’m serious, Kie! He can do whatever the f*ck he wants, the both of them can, it’s never going to work. Cause I ain’t losing ya and you’re not losing me anytime soon. I’m not going anywhere and just like you said, we’re gonna handle this together like we always do. And when it’s all done and over with, we’re gonna get the house we talked about in that sweaty ass hut in South America, you’re gonna save all the turtles and marine life and I’m gonna run a charter and we’re gonna get the hell out of here and we’re gonna go on our surf trip.. I promise..” he reassures further, as she buries her face into his chest even more.
Holding onto his words just as tight as she physically held onto him, she succumbed to the all familiar and comfortable feeling he never failed to bring her, putting her mind and heart at ease with so much as his light touches against her skin and the heat from his body.
A sentiment she took for granted in their friendship, often finding herself in this position, but one she could only appreciate more in its heightened state in their developing relationship. Watching as the tension she held onto tightly wash away bit by bit as he moves some of her loose curls out of her face and behind her ears as she sighs.
“Yeah?”
“f*ck yeah, I’m not giving up on it. You owe me a proper place with a bamboo hut and some good surfin” he reiterates, earning a soft giggle from her. What he’s been trying to hear all night if he were being honest.
“I think I can make that happen if our lives weren’t just as insane as they have been..” she points out but he instantly shoots down, not ready for the mood to be killed just yet. At least not when they just got started.
“Hey, insane or not. Falling apart or not, I’m just glad for every day you’re not stuck in that damn wilderness camp. Drugged up to the point where you don’t know who you are or where you are. It’s a win in my book” he retorts back which makes her pause for a second.
He had a valid point and if it wasn’t for him, storming in their like an idiot and confusing a room full of young girls around her age as to why a boy has just casually broken into their cabin on a mission to find his girl out of the bunch, she would be fighting for her life to be naturally coherent.
To say she was grateful wouldn’t do justice to what she felt. If she were being honest, she would spend her entire life repaying him in the only way she knew how, in the ways she loved him. Wholeheartedly, intricately, and rightfully and turning to completely face him and his soft blue eyes in the moonlight’s reflection, she makes sure he knows.
Knows that she’s more than appreciative, more than grateful, more than willing to show him for the rest of his life. For the rest of their lives or for as long as he let her.
Gently placing her hand on his cheek, she smiles and mumbles “I can’t thank you enough for that night you know. You saved me..”.
He shrugs slightly at the sentiment, knowing it meant a lot but never wanting her to think he needed the clarification “And I would do it again, in a heartbeat”.
“Cause that’s what pogues do..” she teases, watching as he shakes his head.
It was his turn to place his hand across her cheek, gently caressing it as he mumbles back “Nah, cause that’s what I would do for you…cause I love you”.
Suddenly her heart skipped a beat, and no not in a cheesy way like in the rom coms she used to watch with her mom growing up, but in a different much more grounded way that made her love him even more if that was even possible at this point.
She knew he loved her. Said it once during their fateful escape from Kitty Hawk and could feel it in everything he did with her, but that was it.
From the moment they escaped and came back to Kildare, all she got was the quick, mutual understanding that he loved her too and that they were on the same wavelength but never did he once say it again. Even though she felt as if he wanted to multiple times in El Dorado and even on the flight going to El Dorado.
It was never spoken again between them, only implied and now cuddled up against one another in arguably the worst decision they’ve ever made as her parents lied just down the hall, keen to anything and everything, he worked up the courage to openly say the words without hiding.
And it was that alone, that made every sacrifice and effort worth it as a huge smile creeped across her face, unable to contain her excitement as he held a smug grin of his own, moving his thumb across her chin.
“What did you say?” she teases instantly as he groans, moving to pinch the bridge of his nose.
“You heard me”
“Hmm nope, I don’t think I heard you. My dad snores super f*cking loud” she pokes even further, earning a chuckle from him as he lifts her chin up slightly.
“I love you Kie. Always have, always will. There you happy—” he starts but can’t finish as she pulls him into yet another kiss.
Smiling big, she pulls away gently and nods with a small hum for reassurance before whispering “I love you too” back to him.
Teasing her back he cheekily grins at her and mumbles “Yeah I figured you did. You only shouted it out at your parent’s anniversary like some maniac that wanted me dead. Thought my grave was about to be dug ow!”.
He whines from the small pinch she gives him as she shakes her head “As a matter of fact, your grave should be dug let me just call him, hey da—”.
“—Don’t even think about it or else I climb and I’m out” he defends, cutting her off with a hand over her mouth as she gently bites the inside of his palm to get him to remove it. A trick she learned from none other than John B and Pope.
Earning yet another whine from JJ as he waves his hand in the air and turns to properly face her and the distinct expression across her face that turned from lighthearted playfulness to an all consuming overthinking session. Lifting her chin gently he softly speaks “What’s on your mind?”.
She simply shrugs, brushing it off “Nothing, it’s nothing”.
“Nah uh I know you” he shakes his head “That look is never nothing. What’s up?”.
She contemplates if she even wants to share with the notion in her head that he’s already registered with what’s playing on her mind a million times since the start of it all, governing her decisions. But nevertheless she decides to do so anyways, feeling too tempted by his bright blue eyes and his curious stare to not fill him in.
Besides, he’s been here to comfort her for a while now. A little confession couldn’t hurt.
“I was just thinking about the night..I had with Pope..” she scrunches up her face at the confession.
“Oh..” was all JJ could say in response, expecting that to be the very last thing to come out of her mouth at this point in time and completely confused as to where this was headed.
“Not in like a envious kind of way, just thinking about how much that night was so different from what I was used to. I mean don’t get me wrong, Pope is amazing but..I don’t know sometimes I sit and think about it and how uncomfortable I really was and I wonder why I did it and how I let it happen and I feel guilty for going about it the way that I did. Cause I don’t want him to think I used him because that wasn’t the case at all. I just..I don’t know I hate how uncomfortable I felt and how I couldn’t sleep at all that night…” she rambles on, watching as he nods slowly.
Understanding where she’s coming from a little and recognizing how despite everything that’s been going on in the immediate, they both still haven’t resolved anything with Pope like they should have, he’s more sympathetic than concerned.
However, the very little concern he does have isn’t completely lost. With the fear in the back of his head constantly at play, taunting him with the idea that maybe she feels just as, if not more uncomfortable than she did with Pope and that all of this was for nothing. Or that somehow he wasn’t as important as he thought he was.
Most thoughts coming naturally from being blindsided so many times already in his life and others being completely irrational. All of them, however, leaving him concerned but for the interest of seeking out where this was headed, he lets her continue.
“But I guess the reason it’s on my mind right now is because I don’t feel that way with you like I did with Pope and for the first time in my entire life I feel comfortable, because of you” she confesses even further, feeling assured in this night alone what she’s been feeling for the past few months and earnestly the past few years.
Like a weight off his shoulders, apparent in many ways than one, he offers her a gentle smile at the sentiment and gently kisses her forehead. Taking notice of her exhausted demeanor and how quickly she was dozing off, he pulls her as close as possible as she lays against his chest, limbs entangled and heartbeats even as he lets her words sink in for a few hours before dozing off himself.
Feeling whole and utterly complete by the warmth they both created, physically and emotionally they hold each other the entire night with only the sun’s natural warmth and glow, having the ability to wake up the entire room and what was in store.
Sadly enough, the warmth Kie thought she could keep not only through the night but into the early morning as a safeguard for what was yet to come was gone before she even had the chance to appreciate it in full, turning on her side to cold empty and cold sheets beneath her and the blonde nowhere in sight.
She could’ve started panicking right then and there, having shot up out of her bed once again to look around for him, but the thought was merely a fleeting one as she found all that she needed on her bedside table. A simple note that assured her in the fact that what happened last night was indeed not a dream and that it could be a reality that continued with JJ’s messy handwriting, spelling out..
Call me and I’m there :)
With one of the pogues’ spare phones they didn’t have the chance to give her the first day back, right next to her bedside table just in case she needed anything.
Just in case she needed him and with the biggest grin and a call from Anna, telling her to get dressed for work, Kiara finally became restful.
